I hope it didn't hurt,
When you fell back down to Earth,
All we did was flirt,
I have nothing of worth,
To keep us together,
Useless I've become,
Never can I soften these words,
Tender and as safe as you made be,
I am not for you,
Love is an alien emotion to me,
I am selfish,
A genuine person like you deserves more,
More than I can give you,
Caring for you,
Entertains all the thoughts that scare me,
Ready for the future is something I'll never be,
Try as hard as you like,
All you do is push me further away,
I can't give you what I haven't got,
Neglect me because that's what I'm used to,
I can't let my heart entwine
Around your so loving heart,
Memories are all that I'm leaving you,
Run away from me,
Enjoy your life with someone else,
And maybe we'll stay friends,
Don't hate me forever, just remember;
Yes, I've hurt you but I tried not to.
Tuesday, 15 May 2007
Monday, 19 March 2007
Student loans, coursework...and hardly any writing
This afternoon was pretty damn amusing. Student loans! I have cursed just about every known living individual that works on means tested loans today. I understand that some parents have the means to support their children at university (or should I say 'Sponsor' as the website says!), but I assume that the majority of parents can't afford to supplement their child's student lifestyle. My parents can not afford this luxury and therefore I shall be totally dependent on the amount of money I can borrow from the Student Loan Company.
It winds me up though to think that despite the fact that I'm only going to university to obtain a degree so that I can then get a PGCE and then embark upon my chosen career path, I am being restrained by financial aspects. To put it bluntly, it pisses me off to some considerable extent that some people are only going to university as it is what is expected of them after achieving their A-levels. It will be no more than a chance to waste three years whilst deciding what they want to do with their lives, three years where they will mostly probably spend getting laid, pissed and generally wasting a hell of a lot of money.
I finished my English Literature Coursework for the deadline which I'm bloody glad about, but I still have my English Language Coursework hanging over me like a big black cloud. I submitted a first draft and have still to redraft it and hand it in for the final deadline which is this Wednesday. ARGGGGGHHHHHH!
I haven't written anything of my book for such a long time that it seems bizarre. My life is writing, through various forms but I enjoy writing my novel(s) the most. My excuse for not having written anything? To be honest I don't have one. Of course coursework and homework takes up some of my time but I still haven't been dedicating enough of my time to doing c/work or h/work to enable me to say that I haven't had time to write. Ideas are still flowing and the characters live on in my head to the point where I can imagine every single little detail in their lives, but every time I sit before my laptop to start typing the words just aren't there!
Sure it contains certain aspects that appear to be writer's block, but when I've had writer's block before it has actually prevented me from having any ideas at all to which direction my book is going to take or having ideas for new parts of the story. HELP! My novels need it, if I am ever going to be in a position to write those fateful two words on the last page!
It winds me up though to think that despite the fact that I'm only going to university to obtain a degree so that I can then get a PGCE and then embark upon my chosen career path, I am being restrained by financial aspects. To put it bluntly, it pisses me off to some considerable extent that some people are only going to university as it is what is expected of them after achieving their A-levels. It will be no more than a chance to waste three years whilst deciding what they want to do with their lives, three years where they will mostly probably spend getting laid, pissed and generally wasting a hell of a lot of money.
I finished my English Literature Coursework for the deadline which I'm bloody glad about, but I still have my English Language Coursework hanging over me like a big black cloud. I submitted a first draft and have still to redraft it and hand it in for the final deadline which is this Wednesday. ARGGGGGHHHHHH!
I haven't written anything of my book for such a long time that it seems bizarre. My life is writing, through various forms but I enjoy writing my novel(s) the most. My excuse for not having written anything? To be honest I don't have one. Of course coursework and homework takes up some of my time but I still haven't been dedicating enough of my time to doing c/work or h/work to enable me to say that I haven't had time to write. Ideas are still flowing and the characters live on in my head to the point where I can imagine every single little detail in their lives, but every time I sit before my laptop to start typing the words just aren't there!
Sure it contains certain aspects that appear to be writer's block, but when I've had writer's block before it has actually prevented me from having any ideas at all to which direction my book is going to take or having ideas for new parts of the story. HELP! My novels need it, if I am ever going to be in a position to write those fateful two words on the last page!
Tuesday, 6 March 2007
Lyrics
My music tastes are what you might call non-existent as the majority of the time the play list on my i-pod consists of old tunes that are to do with love break ups but although it may seem that I perhaps have little interest in music, this is not the case.
The lyrics are what are what has always fascinated me with music. Quite often lyrics to love songs can resemble poetry and that's what I like about them. When you can almost feel the strength and truth behind the singers' words, then there is a song that is just as clever as any piece of poetry or prose. Music has the ability to make poetry accessible to even the most illiterate human and that surely has to be a good thing.
On Youtube on Sunday I found a song by a band that I really like the sound of. The lyrics in this song actually mean a lot, have a read:
How To Save A Life
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As she goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
The lyrics are what are what has always fascinated me with music. Quite often lyrics to love songs can resemble poetry and that's what I like about them. When you can almost feel the strength and truth behind the singers' words, then there is a song that is just as clever as any piece of poetry or prose. Music has the ability to make poetry accessible to even the most illiterate human and that surely has to be a good thing.
On Youtube on Sunday I found a song by a band that I really like the sound of. The lyrics in this song actually mean a lot, have a read:
How To Save A Life
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As she goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Tuesday, 27 February 2007
Conversion
I haven't written a lot of my second book yet I was, until the other day, quite happy with it. Having started it quite some time ago I found that, despite the fact that the writing was ok, it needed remodeling to fit in with how my ideas have evolved. Anyone who has attempted to write a novel or even a short story will know that you can read something that you've written and suddenly realise that its not quite right. This happened the other night because I had been attempting to write about a subject before I was completely happy that I was confident with the information. The main character in my second book is going to be suffering from an ailment (I don't want to say too much!), which requires sensitivity and approaching it in the right way to let the audience see the deterioration. My first book is of course, for the most part, in third person and I thought naturally that I would follow the same pattern. This was until I was remodeling the before mentioned beginning. I then realised that what I had written was disjointed and didn't flow.
I needed the section to be disjointed in certain respects to give the audience an indication of the character's mental state, but I know that if a book doesn't flow then it doesn't work. Simple as that. I know, I've read enough books that tell the story through switching and swapping little bursts with big chunks, and have often consequently sworn about the author and stopped reading before I got to the end. After a long conversation with Nic who was, as always, more than ready to listen and discuss the extract that I was having problems with, we both came to the conclusion that perhaps I should try to rewrite the thirteen or so pages into first person perspective! It is an arduous task as there is so much more that you have to write when talking from a character in first person. All the little thoughts that as a human we have whilst we're actually doing something else have to be incorporated for it to read right, and that takes a lot more time and creativity. It is a challenge that I relish, but I'm being distracted at the moment! Read my other blog for info!
I needed the section to be disjointed in certain respects to give the audience an indication of the character's mental state, but I know that if a book doesn't flow then it doesn't work. Simple as that. I know, I've read enough books that tell the story through switching and swapping little bursts with big chunks, and have often consequently sworn about the author and stopped reading before I got to the end. After a long conversation with Nic who was, as always, more than ready to listen and discuss the extract that I was having problems with, we both came to the conclusion that perhaps I should try to rewrite the thirteen or so pages into first person perspective! It is an arduous task as there is so much more that you have to write when talking from a character in first person. All the little thoughts that as a human we have whilst we're actually doing something else have to be incorporated for it to read right, and that takes a lot more time and creativity. It is a challenge that I relish, but I'm being distracted at the moment! Read my other blog for info!
Saturday, 24 February 2007
I've changed the order of the posts on here to reflect the order they were truly written. They were originally published on my poetry site through poetrypoem.com, but due to a change in procedures I would have had to email my poetry in and I didn't like that I had the control taken away from me. My favourite poem, the one that I think actually shows some of my capability as a poet is 'Just smile in Reply'. It sums up how we all have this shield that protects us from the world, and how at the original time of writing, I had attempted to lift my shield and found that I got hurt as a result.
Through writing poetry I've found that words quite often have the power to sum exactly what we are thinking when we could never have verbalised them. The need to be strong can be wiped away and you can quite literally be falling apart, yet people will accept it when it is written through poetry because it is, in its own way, a form of coping.
Through writing poetry I've found that words quite often have the power to sum exactly what we are thinking when we could never have verbalised them. The need to be strong can be wiped away and you can quite literally be falling apart, yet people will accept it when it is written through poetry because it is, in its own way, a form of coping.
Lost Chances and Inner Demons
Lost Chances and Inner Demons
I have been writing my book now for over a year which seems like a long time when you consider how often some professional writers are churning out new bestsellers, but of course here is the crucial word that is overlooked; professional. These people are so privileged in my opinion, I would love to be able to dedicate my working life to writing just like I do in the holidays but of course I also unfortunately have to pass my A levels!
At the moment I am working steadily on my second novel despite not having finished the first one, which seems rather bizarre as it is with the same characters (minus one) but with their lives eight years on. The ideas are still fresh and the direction in which I am going to take the characters is still questionable, and it makes it exciting. My first novel, I know how it will end and the way the story has to go to get there and that limits me creatively to a certain extent. It’s enthralling to work through all the background that the characters are going to need and to allow the audience to fill some of the time gap that has opened up between the novels, and I love it. I've been researching and luckily found that everything that I thought was correct, is correct! Go me!
I had initially set myself a target last year of finishing my book by Xmas last year, but that quite clearly wasn't going to happen and so I've set myself a new target. I will finish my first book before I go to uni. So there it is, in black and white, I have proclaimed that I have an ideal finishing date!
Update on books coming again soon!
Oh how sweet Valentine's Day is
Oh how sweet Valentine’s Day is
I convince myself that's its commercial,
False words printed on card,
Red roses double in price just for that one day,
Candle lit dinners,
All lovey-dovey shit,
None of this matters to me.
No of course it doesn't,
It's a day created by the industry,
I don't want to open a card lovingly chosen for me,
Waste of money as it means nothing,
I don't want any part in the slushy romance,
But then with the right guy it's not slushy.
Oh how sweet Valentine's would be,
If I could only find the right guy for me,
So perhaps I would wake up to find that single red rose.
"You see it does matter to me that I woke to find nothing for me on Valentine's day, not that I should have expected anything different as it's always the same. I just thought I would share with others the way I tried to get on with it."
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